Hi B,
I am back in you. You are still you, the same way but different. You are you with all the past and future you carry. To be honest with you, at first, I am ever so terrified to see you again after all this time. A year later. I thought by seeing you all the past traumas would immediately greet me at the doorstep with its devilish grin. That it would make my knees weak, my heart sink, and my eyes weary. But surprisingly, it isn’t like what I thought it would be. I am here, in front of you, and I am still standing.
Being in you actually remind me, that now is okay. Now is so much better. I am in so much better state. I have laughed more, cried less. Loved more, apathetic less. Dare I say, I am in the better days. Finally, at a place where I said I wanted to be when I was with you the last time. Have I told you that I am writing more, now? At last, I am feeling other than sorrow. Not all the time, of course, but you know, more. I am breathing easier, B. Can you believe?
I have let you go – to be whoever you are, with whoever you choose. As long as you are alright and happy. Now, I can only thank you for witnessing who I was then and not forcing me to be somewhere else. I understand now, you were the safest place to be when I was under the current. Feeling whatever I was feeling then.
From today, I will look at you with the same kind of love but with even more depth of sincerest gratitude. Of course still – and always, with a touch of melancholy but nevertheless, all’s rooted from love. So, take care now. I will see you again soon. Hopefully, in a better light, a larger heart.
Much love,
F.
